Fading Sanity
by Lucinda Hindle
Summary: This is my shot on what may have happened on the night when the Longbottoms were tortured into insanity by Bellatrix Lestrange and other Death Eaters. I hope that this small piece of work does them justice.
1. Cruciatus

Fading Sanity

 **AN: I always found the story of the Longbottoms immensely sad. So this is my take on what I think might have happened on that fateful night when the Longbottoms lost their sanity in the hands of sadistic Death Eaters.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from the Fanfic nor do I own any spells, but it doesn't stop me from using them, I am just borrowing them for a while.**

 **(From Alice's Point of View)**

Fading Sanity

Alice and Frank Longbottom had just hidden their son, Neville in the broom closet with silencing charms and sent a patronus to the Order. The Order would be arriving in a few hours. Just as long as their son was safe.

The door burst open and Alice whipped out her wand. There on the door were standing at least half a dozen Death Eaters.

"Attack" Bellatrix Lestrange whispered.

Chaos reigned. Curses, jinxes and hexes were being hurled. The Aurors being skilled were able to keep off the Death Eaters for some time before they were disarmed, cornered and being held by Crabbe and Goyle Sr.

Bellatrix came over Alice and gave an insane shriek of laughter at her vulnerability before speaking, "Now, now tell me what do you know about the prophecy and what happened to the Dark Lord?"

"As if we will tell you! Voldemort is gone and now you should fear for your life!" Frank snarled while struggling in the grasp of Crabbe.

"Oh no, the Dark Lord will return and you will pay for saying his name from your filthy mouth, Longbottom." Barty Crouch Jr. said.

He then pointed his wand at Frank's throat and whispered " _Crucio_ "

"NO" Alice shrieked as she watched he husband writh in agony, refusing to scream, unable to do anything. Crouch kept the curse on until Frank was screaming and Crabbe released him where he lay on the floor panting.

"Alice, you have another chance, answer me." Bellatrix said digging her wand at Alice's chest.

"Never" she spat at Bellatrix's face.

Bellatrix's eyes blazed with rage as she shouted, " _Crucio_ "

Agony, pure agony. It felt as if a hundred poisoned daggers were stabbing every part of her body. She set her jaw and tried to keep from screaming but the next moment her throat was tearing apart from blood curling screams. She didn't know how long she was under the curse but when it was lifted, she was on the floor gasping for breath.

"Now, now is the answer still the same?" Bellatrix asked.

"I…. wont… tell…. you…. Anything" Alice whispered.

"That's too bad. _Crucio!_ "

This time the pain was worse than before. Her very nerves felt as if they were on fire. Someone was screaming. Her eyes were rolling in her head and she was thrashing about on the floor. The curse was kept on for a very long time as Alice slowly slipped into darkness.

" _Enervate_ "

Alice opened her eyes to Bellatrix leaning over her, smiling.

"Thought that you could escape us?"

Alice heard screams looking to her right she saw Frank writhing on the floor with Crouch's wand pointed at his heart.

"Such a beautiful sound, isn't it?" Bellatrix giggled.

"Try as you might, we won't say anything." Alice said, her voice sounding raspy.

"Too bad, _Crucio!_ "

Alice felt as if she was being ripped apart limb from limb. Her body felt on fire. Just as she was about to faint again the curse was lifted.

A few of her ribs seemed to have broken while she was convulsing and her breathing became laboured.

She looked at Frank whose nose seemed to have broken while he was thrashing. Their eyes met and an understanding passed between them.

 _They won't break under the torture. They may die or go insane but they won't break and tell them anything._

Their eye contact was broken as Alice was hit again by the Cruciatus Curse. Waves of pain hit her like a flood. This time she didn't even try to hold back her screams. The curse went on for what felt like hours.

Every breath was painful due to her broken ribs. One of them seemed to have pierced her lung and she was wincing with every breath.

"Well, you have one more escape, you know?" Crouch asked as he lifted the curse from Frank.

"Pleadge your loyality to the Dark Lord." Bellatrix continued.

"You wish" Alice said, her throat feeling as if she had swollen broken glass.

"As if" Frank said.

Bellatrix clucked her tongue and then said, "Then let's have some fun, _Crucio!_ "

Every bone in her body felt like it were snapping and breaking. She writhed on the floor unaware as she broke her bones banging on the furniture and walls.

When the curse was lifted she was coughing up blood. Someone was screaming. This time it was not her. _Frank_. Her thoughts drifted to Neville. The order knew where he was, they had informed them in the patronus, just in case something happened to them.

Bellatrix was speaking again, but Alice couldn't understand her. She was under the curse again. Pain. White hot pain. She just wanted to die, for it to end because blacking out wasn't an option, Bellatrix would wake her up easily, but she did.

Opening her eyes, she prayed for it to be a dream. No, No, No. Then she saw her. Bellatrix. Alice heard the dreaded words and the pain started. She tried to distract herself from the pain. She thought about her son. Who was her son? _Ah, yes Neville_.

When the curse lifted this time, her mouth was filled with blood from biting down on her tongue. Most of the bones in her body seemed to be broken. Even without the curse, all she could feel was the pain.

" _Crucio!_ "

Alice's back arched as she screamed again trying to escape the pain.

Someone was leaning over her again, a women with black hair and heavily lidded eyes.

Alice didn't like her. She was lifting her wand again. Before the incantation was even spoken Alice beagan screaming, but stopped abruptly. Her throat hurt.

"Are you cracking yet?" a man's voice asked. Someone was screaming again. It was the voice of someone she loved, but she couldn't remember who that person was. She tried to look for its source, but every tiny movement bought with it waves of agonising pain.

Someone was laughing hysterically. She didn't like that sound at all. What she wanted to hear were the sounds of nature to relax her traumatised mind, her battered sanity, the sound of birds chirping, water rushing and wind howling, but not this, not this at all.

" _Crucio!_ "

She couldn't think, couldn't hear, the pain was such that Alice was rendered unable to even scream. The black woman was speaking again. Something about breaking Alice. _Breaking?_ She wasn't made of glass that could be broken. What was she talking about?

She tried to lift her arm to cover her ears, to block out those horrible thoughts. She wanted to free herself, she was being held prisoner in her own mind. She couldn't lift her hands, she couldn't feel them. A blissful numbness was spreading over her as if she was dethatching herself from her body, escaping her mind and at last leaving the pain behind.

 _She knew her sanity was fading._

Just as the door burst open and the order members came pouring in, the last of her sane thoughts, memories were lost, lost in the deep ocean that was pain.

 _Just as long as their son was safe._

 **Authors note: Hope you like it. This story took a lot of my time so I would appreciate it if you review it. Request me a sequel, it may contain her thoughts while at St. Mungos and how the order members found them in their home. I will only give it if you request it.**

 **Authors chat: Happy Birthday to me!**

 **The best present you could give me are reviews. Please!**

 **I got myself the deathly hallows locket as a birthday present!**


	2. Falling Apart

**AN: I never thought that I would add another chapter to it, I was never good at writing insanity, but here it is, this is one of my favourite stories, for me its the one most beautiful yet sad. Please review and tell me what you think about it. This is not a song fic. It was quite difficult to write, but I guess that I did a fairly decent job, don't you think?**

 _Its getting darker and so are my thoughts,_

 _Its getting colder and so is my heart_

 _The leaves are falling_

 _And so am I falling apart._

Warmth, warmth of a soft bed.

Voices, whispering urgent voices.

Sobs, great heart wrenching sobs.

Wails, high shrill wails of a baby.

 _High shrill wails of a baby_... was it? Alice jerked. Than froze as she heard it.

 _Crucio!_

As unrelenting waves of agony filled her body, she screamed, a blood curling, glass shattering, earsplitting scream, unearthly scream, and thrashed around until she might have fallen off the bed had it not been for the restraining hands. There was a low murmuring in her ear, someone was saying something, she couldn't make it out. After a few minutes of thrashing about, she realised that there was no pain, that's when she caught one word from the conversations going on. _Alice._ It was such a beautiful name. She wished it could be hers, what was her name anyway? Maybe she didnt have any.

"Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice! Alice! Alice!" She started chanting and burst out laughing when it started sounding like Lisa. Abruptly she stopped. There was a deathly silence now, when she heard someone mutter the word Cruciatus. Alice's breathing hitched, _was she here?_

 _Crucio!_

The word seemed to fill her conscience until all she could feel was agony, she heard screaming and her arms and legs felt like they were bruising. She felt a spell hit her in the chest and everything went blank.

 _Sadness Agony and Misery_

 _Come to stay_

 _My courage goes dim, my strength is melting_

 _And the light inside me fades away._

When she woke up next there was a women in a white uniform standing near her, writing something on clipboard.

"Ah. Mrs. Longbottom... I see that you are awake... Erm... How do you feel?" She said. Alice just stared at her, thinking about where was Alice and who was she. Than she saw a small potted plant next to the nurse, it was pretty, she wanted it. She pointed at it and started making small wailing noises.

"Oh, I guess you can have it if you take this potion." the nurse said hesitantly. Alice stopped wailing and started staring at the vial in her hand. Than she saw it, long black hair, she flinched and started breathing hard, almost hyperventilating before her chest constricted and her vision started tunnelling from the lack of oxygen. Just before everything went blank again, she heard someone calling for that beautiful name again. _Alice._

 _In the middle of the night, the darkness found me_

 _And dragged me into it, leaving everything behind_

 _Where dreams can't speak and demons taunt_

 _As they play twisted games with my mind._

Once again Alice woke, this time, instead of the nurse there was an old women sitting near her bed with a bundle of blankets in her hands, her face was blotchy and there were still tears streaming down so Alice gently reached and wiped them off. At her touch, the women started violently. Then she looked up and said that thrice damned name again, "Alice."

Alice frowned and turned away before spotting a bubble gum on the desk, she picked it up and popped it into her mouth, making funny bubbles as she crushed and smoothed out the wrapper again and again.

"Alice, look, your son, don't you remember anything?" The women asked again, sounding so heartbroken that Alice looked at her again, then saw that she held a small baby in her hands, he was waving his hands around a bit so Alice smiled and gave it the bubblegum wrapper, who he took and started giggling. _Giggling._ That women used to giggle before saying that word. Alice started shaking, no, no, no, no. She hadn't known that she was speaking aloud again until that women asked what no, but by than the familiar waves of phantom agony crashed upon her. Her throat was hurting from all the screaming and she had broken the potted plant while thrashing. She heard the distant sound of someone calling for someone named Healer Maria. Hmmm, it wasn't a bad name but she would stick with Alice.

 _Panic is building up inside_

 _I have to go before I go blind_

 _But there is no where to hide_

 _As I cant run away from my own broken mind_

 _Searching for strength,deep within_

 _Take control, freeze my heart_

 _Cant let those demons win_

 _But secretly I am falling apart._

 _Alice, such a beautiful name..._

 **AN: Don't bother searching for the poem, its a mash up of many poems and my own wordings, you wont find it, please tell me how did you find it? I am desperate for reviews.**


	3. Alone

**AN: I wrote a quote that I am very proud of;** _ **A writer is a person who converts magic into words.**_ **How is it?**

 **Warning: Self harm.**

 **Let the chapter begin!**

 _What's worse? Dying when you want to live or living when you want to die?_

Alone.

Alice was alone, lying on the bed, gazing at the ceiling trembling ever so slightly.

When will _she_ come back? Will she come back? Alice hoped not, because whenever she came, it was always painful and then everything would go dark as people started shouting.

Alice's trembling increased. _When will she come?_ She knew that the woman with curly black hair would come, she always did.

Alice looked to her right; a bedside table with a glass of water, on her left was a cream coloured wall with a barred window.

She fisted her hands on the bed covers and squeezed her eyes shut.

 _She will come…._

Her breathing hitched and hysteria started bubbling up inside her. The glass of water beside her exploded, spraying her with cold water and she snapped, screaming at the top of her lungs.

All the stress that had been building up from the last few hours came pouring out with her scream. She barely heard the door open or the people who quickly fixed the window, the glass and healed her hand where the slivers of glass had embedded themselves, while some other people started trying to calm her down.

Alice heard the shouting begin over her screaming and knew that her world was going to go dark again. This made her scream all the louder.

 _Darkness_.

When she woke again, it was dark outside. She blinked owlishly a few times before sitting upright. She raised her right hand before her, it was shaking. She tilted her head to the side, curious. She clenched her hands, trying to still the tremors but only succeeded in making her whole arm shake; she let it drop as a defeated cause.

Looking around, Alice realised that she was in the same room with the barred window. She frowned, feeling as if she had forgotten something important.

Then suddenly she felt the absurd desire to giggle. She didn't have any reason not to, so she giggled. The sound resounded across the room, which sent her into a mad fit of laughter.

 _Had she gone mad? Nah, of course she hadn't gone mad._

She was thirsty, she wanted water. Looking around she saw the glass but it was empty. Tears welled up in her eyes. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, rocking back and forth.

Suddenly, she stilled, and remembered. _The woman_. What if she came again? What is she said those words again? Those dreadful curse words? Or was it just one word?

An involuntary shiver went up her spine before she started sobbing hysterically in fear, tearing at her hairs.

She tried patting her own arm, trying to provide comfort to herself, while still rocking back and forth.

Slowly, her sobs subsided. She realised that she was alone. She had known it earlier but hadn't realised it.

She was terrified. What if the Black Woman, as she called her, came again?

No, she couldn't, she wouldn't, she won't, she shan't. Alice kept chanting this in her head.

She was staring at the lone bright star through the window. Will she really come? She was alone; no one will shout and send her to darkness this time if she came now. Her stomach started twisting itself into knots at the thought of what would happen if she were to come here now.

She gripped at her forearms tightly, drawing blood. Somehow this pain was good. She could control this. She could stop and start it whenever she wanted unlike with that woman who never stopped even when Alice screamed, and that pain was always a hundred times worse.

Alice started whimpering in fear, stress and trepidation as she dug harder at her arms. When the pain grew too much, she loosened her grip. There was only a light sting left from the scratch marks.

Her eyes still hadn't left that lone star that stood away from the others, alone, just like her.

Her eyes never left that lone star as she started rocking again.

She watched the star waiting for _her_ to come, but she never did, though morning came.

Just as the first ray of dawn hid that lone star in its light, Alice fell into a restless sleep, plagued by the demon that was her mind.

 _Into the mind, dark and deep_

 _I offer you, eternal sleep._

 **AN: I siriusly didn't expect to ever post this chapter. I was just reading the book, Veronika Decided to Die by Paulo Coelho when this idea struck me.**

 **I just couldn't not delve into the beautifully terrible depths of the insane mind.**

 **This is one of my favourite stories and I just can't leave it alone. I will end each chapter as if I were ending the story so that you won't be obliged to wait for updates but I might keep posting. This story will never end.**

 _ **Stories never end, even if books like to pretend they do. – Mo, Inkheart.**_

 **PS: I have just updated my profile bio, you should check it out, it has some promised laughs, you'll enjoy it!**

 **I need a Beat, anyone interested?**

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


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